Lecture One: Love And Sex In Class. The two sides of the story

From my memories as a student in an all-girls school, the moment a young and decent looking male teacher arrived, he was the topic of heated conversation on every lunch table, creating excitement in, and out, of the classrooms. Although in most cases, these fantasies live only in films and in novels, as fictitious as these stories may be, it shows that it is an idea that is within the boundaries of human thought and imagination. A romantic relationship between a teacher and a student is a topic we simply accept as the wrong thing to do. The most obvious reason is that it may lead to special treatment and favouritism- failed pedagogy.

As important as this reason is, this may not necessarily be the case. What about the grey area? The grey area is when the professor no longer teaches the student, never has nor will ever teach a student personally but is or was within one’s own institution. We are not dealing with rape or an act of criminal offence with an under aged child or infidelity of a married professor in a mid-life crisis. We are looking into relationships between two similar aged singles that stand a chance outside the study environment: the ones that may prosper to love and be the real deal. Having said this, why should we generally accept that it is just morally the wrong thing to do? Like doctors to patients and lawyers to clients, teachers have a duty of care to the students. This type of care requires objectivity and guaranteed trust. Breaking this trust is, I guess, what people refer to as ‘crossing the line’. Crossing the line would essentially be defying the very nature of their position in society and the general codes of conduct that come with it for both students and teachers. It would also jeopardise the practice of sound pedagogy and academic education in general.

However, in the light of discussing one’s position in society, we are humans before being a student or a teacher. It is human nature and an automatic instinct to seek love whereas being a teacher or a student is merely a social construct. I cannot explain the methodological breakdown of how this form of care transforms into the care one has for those they love romantically but the key point is that once it does, it is hard and even impossible to reverse the process. The fact is that there are many different kinds of care but only one kind of romantic love. And love, lust and sex are blind. It clouds our logical judgement and morality only to make us cross the boundaries. Another topic that puts negative light on a student- teacher relationship is the balance of power. A teacher may be abusing the position of authority and a student may be coerced. However, how can a student be forced into an emotional relationship? They can be forced into sex which would be rape, a different matter beyond this discussion. This would only be a point of concern if the feelings were not mutual.

Are the practical values of taking precautions for such possibility more important than our natural human instinct to fall in love that we must set rules to forbid and punish those who do? They most grey area of all is when the relationship may be the real deal or the so called ‘true love’. Perhaps this is the view of a naïve and an unrealistic romanticist but those who reject this idea could be a pessimist disguised as a realist. Therefore, it is only fair to explore the minds of the precedent case. If you are the latter, take a deep breath of the Valentine’s air and read on. I learnt in psychology on relationships that people have limited options within their circle of lifestyle to find their match. As apparent as this may be, we do not have all the people in the world to find our true love and nature restricts our chances of finding ‘the one’. I found this a sad fact. So, why exacerbate the pitfall of nature by further narrowing our probabilities? The key question is what if the two were meant for each other? It is impossible to give a definitive answer to this from the start of a flirtatious gesture or from an infatuation based on appearance. We cannot tell if a ‘thing’ will eventually end up with the promise of the words, ’till death do us apart’.

However, the basis of any romantic relationship is to take risks, tempt fate and put our hearts on the line to face the hurdles if you wish to find true love one day. People say that we cannot help how we feel but we can control our actions. As believable as this common phrase sounds, it is short of rational thought. The actions that we control are reasoned and committed by our sense of logic and morals. If these two factors are compromised by our emotions and feelings, which we do not have control over, then our actions too are subjects of our feelings. Therefore, it would be cruel to be condemned for the consequences of our actions that we did not have control over.

It would be an over generalisation to conclude that I condone student-teacher relationships.I do not advocate lust and sex but I do support the exception. The reasons that support why this type of relationship should not be allowed still stand valid and important. What an individual chooses to prioritise between work, reputation and love depends on their culture and personal values among many other things. My belief is that everything comes at a price. Nevertheless, a part of me holds close to the line that ‘the greatest thing you will ever learn is just to love and be loved in return’.

Happy St. Valentine’s Day, everyone!